I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes--open

I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes—open

3/30/15

I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes—open

But the light—goes—out

 and I’m—Wide—awake—

but the Dream’s the same

And  I don’t know what it’s all about.

Dancer’s spin—and grin as they twirl

Around the darkened—room

And I’m—Still —awake—

Though it seems a dream—I take

A moment to—peer—through the gloom.

The Dancers change—to demons—

Fangs bared—and eyes—of red

Appear—but I’m wide—awake—

And all I can think—is there’s some—mistake

As I fill—with the sense—of dark dread.

The Demon’s morph—they fill my mind—

All comfort changes to—fear—

Why am I wide—awake—

I can no longer wait—

As the Demons continue to appear.

Forward they leap—in a macabre dance—

Their claws—digging into my skull—

Keeping me wide—awake—

Calm dreams I forsake—

Into hell—I am consciously pulled.

Dragging myself—through the fire and stone,

I must escape the voice in my head—

Screaming at me to wake—

And I fear I will break—

As all dignity—and joy—it does shred.

Holding on with all my Might—

To my sanity I cling

Trying not to stay—awake—

Though I fear I may have to fake—

A happiness that only sleep—will bring.

For hours—I struggle—with the demons

Forcing them to stay at bay

So I’m no longer awake

When the world starts to quake

And before I can blink—it will be day— 

Heave and Breathe and try not to Scream

Heave and Breathe and try not to Scream

3/27/2015

So many things to be stressed about

Where do I even start—

Work

School—

It’s all falling apart.

Crumbling into pieces,

Disappearing into dust—

A bulldozer ran it over

But I know that I must

I must go on and face the danger

Face the anger

And all the pain I feel

I know that I must be stronger and pull apart the fear

About a future so uncertain

That’s crumbled into the sea

A mighty tsunami rolled me over

Without remorse at my daunting plea.

I try to breathe in any air

But all I get is water,

Water that fills up my lungs

An event that does not augur

Well for how I’m handling

The storm that’s headed my way

So I heave

And breathe

And try not to scream

As I face each and every day.

Where will this long road lead me?

What hope do I even have

Of making  it down the river

And finding my footing on dry land?

In a future so uncertain

I can only hope that all goes well

And work as hard as possible

To make it out of this trek through hell

In a fire so unbearable

I can’t see a single thing

Everything around  me is shimmering

And I can’t take the unforgiving sting

Of flames licking across my chest

And burning down my face

So I heave

And breathe

And try not to scream

As I try to make all haste

Only to come across another obstacle

It seems everything stands in my way

What do I do? What do I do?

This pain just won’t go away.

Yet the tears refuse to fall

And I can’t seem to let myself heal

As the emotions get ever stronger

My head is starting to reel.

I can’t breathe

I can’t scream

I can’t even feel anything real,

When will it end

When will I bend

Because I don’t have a back of steel.

It hurts

It hurts

I can’t stop the burn

I can only go so far

Until I reach a dead end

And I must defend

The life that I hold so dear.

My only option is to continue

And push as hard as I can

To pierce the dead end

And maybe mend

But I watch the whole plan

That was my future start to

Fall

To crawl

Away and into the dark.

I must continue

I must press on

Until I reach the end

No matter how far

So I force the air

Through my chest

And heave

And breathe

And try not to scream.