Delicate China Doll

Delicate China Doll
10/10/2015

I am a - delicate- china doll
And you have no idea how - disturbing -
It is to sit on a - cushioned - shelf
And watch - silently the culminating
Effort - of those working - hard
On projects around me,
While - incapable - I perch
Up on high - to see -
And record - in my thoughts - what
Others do - and achieve.
But I am - not - free to try
My own ideas of which I conceive
Of - little projects they - may - seem 
But like an ephemeral cloth - I am fragile,
And though I try my best to hold onto strength,
Using this porcelain body - is futile.
So instead I watch - patiently,
Waiting for the day - when maybe
My body will no longer - of china - be made
And I can finally be - free -
To do as I wish-
And move - as - I - like
And fight - my own - fight
And lose - this perpetual - anguish.

When They Walk Out the Door

When They Walk Out the Door

5/26/2015

The worst feeling one can possibly have

Is to see the one you love most, walk out the door

And you don’t know when they might be back.

To let go of that hand is the worst thing of all

Whether they come back to you or not

Really isn’t your call.

So you wait and you wait until you see them again

And you can’t help but smile when you see their face

But then you must go on and pretend

Like everything is going to be alright,

You have to take a deep breath

And put up a righteous and glorious fight

To not succumb to the pain and show the tears

And to keep a tight hold on your secret

And put a leash on all of your fears

So the one you love most will not worry

And stop to make the goodbye longer

So instead you push and try to make them hurry

Out the door when all you want is to be together

But you have no choice or it will be harder

So instead you try to be wise and clever

And get them to leave faster and be on their way

So you can cry and hurt by yourself

And hope to see them again another day.

But the one you love notices

They always do,

They can see the hurt on your face

And the sadness too,

So they don’t walk out that door

They don’t walk away

Instead they stay and dry your tears

And at least for a little longer they choose to stay.

They make everything better

And though it may feel like you will never

See their face again

You don’t have to hold tight and pretend

Because they will ease away the pain

And help you keep yourself sane

Before they step out that door

And promise to see you because your face they adore.

They will kiss your lips

And promise it’s not the apocalypse

They will always come back

And kept your heart intact

For they love you most of all

And they will help you keep your head tall. 

My Other Side

My Other Side

5/3/09

My heart was split

From the moment of birth,

We were two halves,

But what were we worth?

To those around us

We were known as “the twins,”

We were put together as one,

Like a set of matching pins.

It hurt me inside

To not be thought of as whole,

But she was most of what I had,

When we were together I felt full.

We may have been different

And at times we fight,

But whenever I need it

She helped me through the night.

She has always been with me,

Through thick and thin,

She has been my other side,

Whatever my sin.

If Only, If Only

If Only

11/7/05

If only, if only

My tears would run dry.

If only, if only

Time would pass by.

If only, if only

I’d get tired of crying,

If only, if only,

I didn’t feel like dying.

If only, if only

I’d live again.

If only, if only

My life would begin.

If only, if only

I could stop smiling.

If only, if only

I could stop lying.

My life would change,

I could cry freely,

I could turn the page,

And forget what they did to me.

They did wrong to me,

I wanted to cry,

I was just a kid,

Why wouldn’t time pass by?