Eulogy to Atticus - Better Late Then Never

 

Eulogy to Atticus – Better Late Then Never

1/7/25

I don’t know why your death snuck up on me,
like a stab wound to the back,
It’s been so long since you’ve been gone
But still, I feel your lack.
An empty hole where once you were,
That nothing I have can fill,
I miss you so, why did you go?
My heart bleeds for you still.
Others say that I should move on
And I truly thought I had,
But time to time our sharp goodbye
Comes spinning round my head.
It’s a time like that these words do flow
So, here’s my eulogy to you.
Better late than never, my dear friend
I miss you so bad. I do.
I never wanted to say goodbye,
T’was a task hard to comprehend,
The tears fell hard as my heart broke
As it was time to give you your end.
I held you tight, I didn’t let go
Until the light had left your eyes,
I had to turn and leave you
Though you couldn’t hear my cries.
You held onto a piece of my heart,
A piece I can’t take back,
I leave it here an ode to you,
My tear-stained panic attack.
You always had a special thing,
A way to make me smile,
No matter what, you’d help me laugh,
Even if only for a while.
Your constant warmth and soft sweet touch
Kept the darkest demons away,
You were a constant column of support
That kept my depression at bay.
With you, you took all of my light
The joy that I needed most,
It took some time, but I’m alright,
Though I still push off your ghost.
It’ll haunt me forever, until my death,
And it’ll hurt, and I may cry,
I miss you so, but you had to go,
You were sick, a death we couldn’t deny.
But it’s time to step away
Though all your memories I hold dear,
I miss you so, I know you had to go,
Sometimes I still feel you near.
So, I’ll say goodbye just one more time
As your memory I hold close,
I miss you so and I won’t let go,
Your memory is there when I need it most.

In Memory: Atticus Douglas 4/16/2023

Christmas Love

Christmas Love

12/24/2016

Christmas time is the time of year

To hold our loved ones close,

To celebrate all the joy we’ve shared

And remember all we’ve lost.

When the year is at its darkest

And all seems bleak and cold

We warm up by the fire

In a ceremony, most old.

This is the time we remember the year

And the pain and joy it brought,

So we can push aside the sadness

And all the horror it wrought.

Instead we deal in joy and love

To bring family and friends together.

Whether religious or not, we all share our lot

Because love will last forever.

R.I.P. Katherine Johnson and Toya

A Good Story

A Good Story
1/31/2016

Truly, the thing I love the most
Is a story.
A story well told -
Something few really appreciate --
Life stories
Are the things I love the most.
A life story is a sad thing to lose --
Pass it down,
Send it on,
So it won't be lost.
So tell me a good story -
One with hurt,
Pain,
Joy,
Laughter,
Love,
Sadness,
Anger,
Fear --
So I have a good story
And a piece -- of you --
After you leave.

The Storyteller - Lost History

The Storyteller - Lost History
2/25/2016

The Story of a person's life
Is honestly quite -- fleeting.
How easy it is to misplace or lose
To not find again - completely.

Though other's know -- small pieces
And parts of another's - life,
That is all --- just a chunk
Of someone else's strife.

Though we can shift through the dirt -
Dig through -- the memories
Trying to fit pieces together
In a single - crafted - story,

Like archaeologists -- we guess
Upon the meaning of the pottery.
A crucial piece is missing --
Our guesses are mere snobbery.

The other's thoughts are replaced,
We can only - guess - at what
Someone else may be thinking
And the - truth - of the matter is
That that really isn't adequate.

The Storyteller of that life is
The only - one - who can make it clear,
With no pieces missing, or shattered,
So we can hold that loved one dear.

The person who truly -- lived it --
It must be them - the Storyteller.
Because honestly who else can supply
A clear and detailed picture.

And without that precious knowledge
Of who you are and were - those left
Must uproot the flowers you planted
To find the remains you kept.


In Loving Memory of my Grandmother who recently passed away.

When They Walk Out the Door

When They Walk Out the Door

5/26/2015

The worst feeling one can possibly have

Is to see the one you love most, walk out the door

And you don’t know when they might be back.

To let go of that hand is the worst thing of all

Whether they come back to you or not

Really isn’t your call.

So you wait and you wait until you see them again

And you can’t help but smile when you see their face

But then you must go on and pretend

Like everything is going to be alright,

You have to take a deep breath

And put up a righteous and glorious fight

To not succumb to the pain and show the tears

And to keep a tight hold on your secret

And put a leash on all of your fears

So the one you love most will not worry

And stop to make the goodbye longer

So instead you push and try to make them hurry

Out the door when all you want is to be together

But you have no choice or it will be harder

So instead you try to be wise and clever

And get them to leave faster and be on their way

So you can cry and hurt by yourself

And hope to see them again another day.

But the one you love notices

They always do,

They can see the hurt on your face

And the sadness too,

So they don’t walk out that door

They don’t walk away

Instead they stay and dry your tears

And at least for a little longer they choose to stay.

They make everything better

And though it may feel like you will never

See their face again

You don’t have to hold tight and pretend

Because they will ease away the pain

And help you keep yourself sane

Before they step out that door

And promise to see you because your face they adore.

They will kiss your lips

And promise it’s not the apocalypse

They will always come back

And kept your heart intact

For they love you most of all

And they will help you keep your head tall. 

Floating in the Ocean

Floating in the Ocean

1/6/2015

The seas are now changing and I must be strong,

I hold the wheel steady though so much could go wrong.

I’ve begun to feel dizzy, I can’t keep my head

But I have so few options, no fallback plans instead

Of my falling, my vessel’s drifting off course,

I grip only the wheel and hope it doesn’t get worse.

I can’t see the shore, there’s no land to be seen

As I drift steadily off course, I can’t contain the scream

Of horror and terror, the desperate pleas

To weigh down the anchor and get out of the seas.

I’m floating in the ocean, no land to be found,

I cannot see sunlight and my feet can’t touch ground.

The storm keeps on brewing that threw me off course

So I turn to the heavens, and pray for recourse

But nothing has changed and the quest only gets harder

But what choice do I have but to find some smarter

Plan to reset my path and I must go somewhere

So I pull out a map and push away despair.

I must draw a new course and make it my own,

Though I fight through rough waters, and the seeds I have sown

Of my drift in the ocean, but I can put it to right,

I’ll find a way through the darkness and turn on the light,

Through the clouds and the shadows, through wave after wave,

I’ll fight mighty monsters and make myself brave.

I’ll journey through unknown with no end in sight

But I know I can do it if I put up a fight!

I’ll find land again and find my own place

Though I may be treading water, gladly I’ll face

A future that’s uncertain, a black wall of rain,

I’ll push past the lost love and push past the pain

To a land of great beauty where I know I belong.

The journey may be rough, uncertain and long

If I find my own happiness it cannot be wrong,

So though it may be hard, I have to be strong,

Even if that means my float in the ocean I must prolong

Because one day I’ll reach shore where I can burst into a song

Of joyous occasion where my future is plain

Where all my uncertainty has been strangled and slain.

One Small Word

One Small Word

5/17/2013

Silence descends,

No words spoken

The air snaps, sizzles.

Why?

One word…

One small word led to such tension.

One small word…

One word…

And the flood broke

Leading to

No words

Spoken.

Nothing said—

Nothing fixed—

But should I save it?

Or do I let it

Fall apart?

Crumble, break

Like a castle that been

Besieged for far—too—long.

Is this castle

Worth

Saving?

Building back up

From brick to brick?

Is it worth it?

A good question—

That answer of which

I know not.

But my answer

After thinking

And thinking—

It’s—not—worth—

The pain and anger

All the energy expended

But only on my part.

No

No

No.

It’s—not—worth it.

When she leaves,

I’ll just let it

Fade

Away.

Depression

Depression

2/27/11

Empty – empty windows, broken glass.

Eternity – eternity spent spiraling forever into Hell.

A Hell full of fury and heart-ache.

A heart-ache that defines me as – lost.

Lost in a cold – and lonely – labyrinth.

A labyrinth that consumes my mind.

Trapped – trapped forever in the horrid world inside me.

Tortured – tortured is my soul

          That is lost and empty.

Empty for

          Eternity.