Caught in the Web

 

Caught in the Web

12/24/24

 

Depression is like a big black spider hovering out of sight above
Weaving a web to snatch up all the things, like joy, and peace, and love.
The web wraps itself all around you, restricting you more and more
Until you have no will to fight, and everything becomes a chore.
 
Depression is like a spider, drinking up all of your years,
Until you find, and you don’t know why, you can’t shed anymore tears.
And the longer it takes to realize this fate, the harder it is to unwind,
Because you’re wrapped up in the web with no will left for you to find.
 
Anxiety is like cobwebs, scattered all around the room,
Strung along from here to there as neatly as a loom,
And before you even know it, you’ve been caught up in the web
With a lethal dose of anxiety that leaves you hiding in your bed.
 
Anxiety is just like a cobweb, and you never know just when
The spider left, will it come back, and exactly where has it been?
Is it hiding in the closet? Under the bed or in my clothes?
Or maybe in the library, hiding among books that fill rows and rows.
 
Anxiety sneaks up on you and suddenly it’s there,
Depression lingers long and hard, coming often as a pair.

The Wall

The Wall

12/24/2016

We surround ourselves with sturdy walls

Built tough to keep us safe,

To block out the harshest words,

The anger, the pain, the hate.

The things we do not wish to face

Stay outside our thick stone walls,

But there’s something we can’t see

That even if it’s oh so small

The words that hurt begin to chip

And dig the wall away,

Creating holes that show our souls—

The pain we can’t keep at bay.

Those words are like a little rock

That chip away the stone,

And words do hurt, just like stones and sticks

They just might break the bone.

That little stone digs at the wall

And though it takes some time,

A misplaced word that starts to hurt

Causes our souls to intertwine,

And breaks away the sturdy wall

Making the hole grow ever deeper

Until eventually the words break through

And like the nefarious reaper

Those words cut at us, inflicting wounds

Whether they were meant to hurt or not—

Those holes don’t close, they show our souls

And expose ourselves to rot.

Most often many create the holes

But sometimes it’s only one

That says the things that hurt us most

And chase away the sun.

Every wall has chips and cracks

That we try to fill with putty,

But it’s never as strong as the original

Thus leaving our walls less sturdy.

So careful with the words you say

No matter what you think,

Because you’ll find a crack left in the stone

And make the hole ever deeper. 

The Rope

The Rope
12/9/2015

Life is a rope, long and harsh
      That we hang on,
             cling to,
                     dangling
                          as we fall,
                                spinning
                                      and twirling
                         as we tumble down
                    the  cliff side
               bouncing
         and rebounding
   as we fall toward the bottom.
Sometimes
the rope gets stuck
and you dangle
   before the rope
        untangles
              and you free fall
                        once more.
                              Sometimes
                              You
                              Fall
                             Straight
                             To
                             The
                             Bottom
                         But
                     Chances are
                 It takes some time
             and you end up
          swirling
                 and twirling
                          and you rebound
                                  before you
                                           finally
                                                reach
                                                   the rock
                                             hard
                                        bottom.
                                    But--
                           look at it this way.
                    No matter how you
              reach
      the bottom
You still have the rope.

We Discontent Ourselves

We Discontent Ourselves
10/12/2015

We sow the seeds of our discontent
Because life is what we make it.
When you suffer, when you get hurt
When you fall into that bottomless pit
It can be hard to claw your way back up
And continue on after that perilous fall,
Being blinded by the blackest night
Is a feeling that happens to all
That may have the unfortunate fate
To be pulled into such terrible trauma.
You may feel broken and warped
Like your insides are being gnawed on by piranhas.
Though that feeling is hard to get past
And it may feel like you'll never be well,
If you stew in the hate, and wallow in pain
And you never breach that veil
Of horrible agony, you will never be happy.
You'll find yourself suffering through hell
But really, the truth of the matter you need to admit,
The truth that after much pain I choose to tell
Is that you put yourself there, because life is what you make it
And the sooner you realize that you need to get past
The built up feelings that bring you down
The less time the hurt will last.
I am in no way saying it will be easy
Or that it won't take a great deal of time,
But the longer you wallow, the longer it takes
And that is the cruelest of crimes
That you can commit against yourself, and your life.
You must work past the pain to once again be joyous,
Letting yourself move on with your journey
And no longer feeling helpless,
Moving past the pain will bring you light
Making it possible to reconnect
With the world around you and those you love
And though there really is no correct
Way to get past it all, if you only wallow in pain
And misery, what is there left of a life
For you to live, what is the point
When you only succumb to the strife?
Now this may sound like a good reason
To die and let yourself wither away,
But that's not the case, and it can't erase
The hearts that you may have swayed.
There are people you hurt in your own pain
And even if there aren't any people left
You are pushing away the life you could have
And making yourself depressed.
You are perpetuating the pain they gave you
And making yourself stay estranged
From the world around you with so much that's new
And I'm begging you to try and change,
To change in a way that's better
So that the souls of black don't win.
It will be hard but it can get better
So don't wallow in pity, and hurt those around
You who had nothing to do with it
Don't wrestle their hopes to the ground.
Then you are as bad as those who hurt you
And you perpetuate the cycle
Of abuse and hate, the pain, the ache,
The truth of this is vital.
So for yourself and those around you
Move past the horrible pain
Because you can change, and for the better
And the truth cannot be contained.

Long, Dark Hallway

Long, Dark Hallway

4/6/2015

Some days I feel like I opened a door

Only to have it slam shut

Leaving me in a state of confusion

That feeling is shocking and abrupt

So I stand there silent, unsure

About my next course of action.

Stepping away from the door I look for

Something, anything that will come as a distraction

And lead me away from the swirling feelings

But all I see is the blank door

And a hall so long and white,

There’s nothing left to explore.

I’ve been that way, I came that way

And there is nothing left to see

But the way ahead is blocked, it’s stuck

And there’s no way to break it free.

If I can’t move forward or go back

What course do I have to take?

Maybe if I kick it hard enough

The obstacle will break.

But the fear holds me back,

I just can’t go forward,

Even though this bleak hallway

Leaves me feeling cornered

What if the other side

Is something much, much worse,

A living so abominable

A situation that is adverse?

But I have no option

I must continue

I can make it better

I can make it new.

So I’ll kick the door open

And move on in spite of the uncertainty,

I have no choice, so until I rejoice

My future pleasantries,

I be strong and try to hold on

And I’ll put up a daring fight.

So I’ll kick the door open

Reach in and turn on the light.  

The Silence

The Silence

Date Unknown

The silence is unbearable,

In the dark and lonely night,

I sit silently bundled up

As I long to turn on the light.

My eyes keep wandering

As I worry in my head,

My fears of the next day

Are what keep me in my bed.

I try to keep it hidden

In the total darkness,

But I want someone to find me,

And show me my true bravery.

The silence is a phantom thief,

Quietly stealing my mind,

I’ll just lie in the darkness,

Hoping for a sign.

I lay screaming in the blackness,

But nobody can hear me,

I can see the search light,

But me, no one can see.

The Locked Door

The Locked Door

Date Unknown

I stand in an empty room

With only but a door,

Is this to be my doom?

I know I need much more.

I can’t stand this any longer,

People don’t know how it feels,

I wish I was so much stronger,

To escape this room of tears.

There is nothing in here,

Nothing at all,

Only my own fear,

My mind about to fall.

I sit down in the corner,

Wondering what to do,

I need to get out sooner,

Please help me find a clue.

I don’t know if I can make it,

Will I make it through?

My mind is falling into a pit,

I don’t know what to do.

This room is horribly dark,

Oh please let me out,

I have only but a broken heart,

I don’t even want to pout.

Just let me out of this fantasy,

I miss hearing the rain pour,

I can’t believe this catastrophe,

Please open the locked door.

Queen of Darkness

Queen of Darkness

5/8/2011

It is so hot,

I fear my sweet outer layer

Will melt away

To reveal the cold bitterness

That festers inside.

The bitter side

Of me is one that brings terror

For in its grasp

All will be consumed in darkness

And solitude.

Empty darkness

That will prevail and bring forth black

Nights of stark ruin

And all will flee to the abyss

That gives shelter.

An illusion

They run to, for I watch over

Everything here.

There is no corner that doesn’t

Harbor shadows.

The solitude

Closes in to leave them helpless

Praying for God.

But he isn’t there to shelter

Them from my spell.

The trees will die,

Withering in the cold winter

Frost I call forth.

Everything within sight shall wilt

And slowly, die.

I will become

The Queen of Darkness, who shatters

And scatters all

We know and cherish in this world.

All will perish.

Let us now hope

That this never occurs and I

Hold that layer

Of sweetness, that covers sorrow

That dwells within.

My Plight

My Plight

2/6/08

It hurts to look out,

The crowds cheering,

The fans yelling,

And not be a part of it.

Whatever I do,

I never fit in,

But it’s not like I choose

To uphold this sin.

I sit on the sidelines

While everyone plays,

This aching sadness

Will never go away.

Alone I am

And alone I’ll stay

Because I can’t figure out

What others do every day.

Others make no sense to me

No matter how I watch

Though I try to fit in,

Losing myself is the cost.

So instead I wait for the day

That someone will notice me

And teach me the ways of the world

And how it all should be.  

I am the Darkness

I am the Darkness

Date Unknown

I wander through pitch like darkness,

Scanning frantically back and forth.

There is nothing I can see or feel,

There’s no water to quench my thirst.

I keep on wandering aimlessly

Through my darkened thoughts,

Tripping o’er my sadness,

But all of that has been for naught.

I have been forced into a cage

And I’ve no place left to go,

This world I in live in is a stygian cave

And the entrance is covered over with snow.

I am akin to the darkness

Lost forever in the night,

Until the day someone notices me

I’m lost in this world without sight. 

Hard Day

Hard Day

10/7/10

Misery loves its company

People tend to say.

Through experience I find this true

As I struggle through another day.

I find the more alone I feel

The more I wish sadness on others

Leaving a sour taste in my mouth

This is a feeling I don’t treasure.

Every day I feel more alone

Like I don’t have friend in the world

But the more I sit in silence,

The more I feel as if I’ve been swindled.

No matter how hard I pretend to be alright,

My soul is full of sorrow,

But I push myself ruthlessly forward

And try so hard not to wallow.

Though I often find I want someone

To reach out and give me a hand

Until the day someone notices me

I’ll puff out my chest and withstand. 

Do You Have Any Idea?

Do You Have any Idea?

12/16/10

Do you have any idea what it’s like

To feel like you’re the only one

Who is standing alone in the crowd

Watching the rest of the world have fun?

Do you have any idea what it’s like

To feel so lost and alone,

And while you’re frozen in silence

You also face the unknown?

Do you have any idea what it’s like

To be lost in a labyrinth of dark,

That you aren’t even certain

If the future holds your mark?

At this point in my life I know

The feeling of these things,

And I know chances are I’ll be alone

Until the telephone rings.

So I’m pleading to those who hear me,

The pick up that damn phone

And try to make a connection

So I won’t be so alone.

Depression

Depression

2/27/11

Empty – empty windows, broken glass.

Eternity – eternity spent spiraling forever into Hell.

A Hell full of fury and heart-ache.

A heart-ache that defines me as – lost.

Lost in a cold – and lonely – labyrinth.

A labyrinth that consumes my mind.

Trapped – trapped forever in the horrid world inside me.

Tortured – tortured is my soul

          That is lost and empty.

Empty for

          Eternity.