A Carousel of Guilt

A Carousel of Guilt

6/17/2015

Guilt—

A thankless feeling

With rarely a true meaning.

Something often felt

When there is no need of it.

So many things to feel bad about-

Opening the doorway to Guilt where it can

Reach into my chest and grip my heart until

The blood stops pumping—

And I can barely stand—

And I can’t sleep.

A carousel of memories

Obstructs my vision

Leaving me feeling

Void—

I want to apologize

But who is talking?

Me?

Or the Guilt?

But even when I shoo the Guilt away

It comes back, knocking on my door

And if I don’t answer

The Guilt forces its way in

Coming back full force.

But as it turns out—

Guilt is a trickster—

As cunning as Coyote

And as cruel as Loki.

He spins the carousel bringing forth the bilge.

But the truth is—

Like all tricksters—

Guilt is a liar.

The horrific memories

That swirl

And twirl

Across your mind’s eye

Are nowhere near as bad

As Guilt likes to make them.

The other party involved

In whatever Guilt brings forth

May feel very little

Or absolutely

Nothing

About what Guilt drags you

Through shit over.

But Guilt is hard to get rid of

And a carousel isn’t an easy thing to move.

But the fact is—

Most things aren’t easy to get rid of

And using all that effort—

The pushing

The tugging

Only makes you stronger

And once you fight off the Guilt

You’ll find yourself better than you were before.

Only then can you truly tell

If you are the one talking

Or if it’s guilt—

And if you find you are the one—

Then the apology you make

Will be more heartfelt

And more genuine

And that will make it all the better

And only then

Can you truly kick Guilt out the door

And remove the foundation of the carousel

And move on with life.

Just Laugh

Just Laugh

2/26/2015

It is a common problem that

People put you down for who or what you are—

But don’t let them.

Just laugh.

Just laugh at their unhappiness

For they are choosing to live in a way that causes pain

And you do not have to let them infect your life

With negativity.

If you decide to argue back instead of walk away,

You only perpetuate the cycle of hate.

If they say, “Because you’re a girl,”

Laugh and say—

“And how is that a bad thing?”

If they say “Because you’re a man,”

Laugh and say—

“Well I can be who I want because that doesn’t define me.”

If they say, “Because you’re race is x,”

Laugh and say—

“My skin does not make me who I am.”

If they mock you for your gender or your sexuality

Laugh and say—

“You don’t know true love, do you?”

If they dislike you because you are a tourist

Laugh and say—

“How else would you make your money if we did not spend so much here?”

If they mock you for religion or your lack there of

Laugh and say—

“I can believe what I want to

It does not affect you.”

If they hate you because you are fat

Laugh and say—

“At least I can enjoy my food,”

And if they hate you because you are thin (unless you are anorexic which is a bad thing)

Laugh and say—

“It’s not my fault I have good genes.”

If they mock you for your clothes

Laugh and say—

“I dress how I deem fit.”

The list goes on.

People like to mock—and hate—and berate,

But don’t let it blacken your soul—

Just laugh,

Because they are unhappy with themselves

And they want you to be

Unhappy too.

But if you can just laugh—

If you can throw that joy back in their face

You can let yourself stay happy

And maybe they will realize that they are unhappy

And fix it.

If not—

That is not a problem for you to fix.

That life is theirs,

And if they want to be unhappy

Because of someone else’s life—

The choice is theirs.

Let them.

But your life is yours.

You must choose to be happy

And fight back against all the darkness—

The negativity—

The anger and the pain—

And the offensive behavior.

Don’t let it get to you.

Just laugh

And be happy—

And be who you want to be—

The choice is yours.

Make the one that’s best for you

And be happy—

Just laugh. 

Floating in the Ocean

Floating in the Ocean

1/6/2015

The seas are now changing and I must be strong,

I hold the wheel steady though so much could go wrong.

I’ve begun to feel dizzy, I can’t keep my head

But I have so few options, no fallback plans instead

Of my falling, my vessel’s drifting off course,

I grip only the wheel and hope it doesn’t get worse.

I can’t see the shore, there’s no land to be seen

As I drift steadily off course, I can’t contain the scream

Of horror and terror, the desperate pleas

To weigh down the anchor and get out of the seas.

I’m floating in the ocean, no land to be found,

I cannot see sunlight and my feet can’t touch ground.

The storm keeps on brewing that threw me off course

So I turn to the heavens, and pray for recourse

But nothing has changed and the quest only gets harder

But what choice do I have but to find some smarter

Plan to reset my path and I must go somewhere

So I pull out a map and push away despair.

I must draw a new course and make it my own,

Though I fight through rough waters, and the seeds I have sown

Of my drift in the ocean, but I can put it to right,

I’ll find a way through the darkness and turn on the light,

Through the clouds and the shadows, through wave after wave,

I’ll fight mighty monsters and make myself brave.

I’ll journey through unknown with no end in sight

But I know I can do it if I put up a fight!

I’ll find land again and find my own place

Though I may be treading water, gladly I’ll face

A future that’s uncertain, a black wall of rain,

I’ll push past the lost love and push past the pain

To a land of great beauty where I know I belong.

The journey may be rough, uncertain and long

If I find my own happiness it cannot be wrong,

So though it may be hard, I have to be strong,

Even if that means my float in the ocean I must prolong

Because one day I’ll reach shore where I can burst into a song

Of joyous occasion where my future is plain

Where all my uncertainty has been strangled and slain.