Wednesday, June 17, 2015

A Carousel of Guilt

A Carousel of Guilt

A thankless feeling
With rarely a true meaning.
Something often felt
When there is no need of it.
So many things to feel bad about-
Opening the doorway to Guilt where it can
Reach into my chest and grip my heart until
The blood stops pumping—
And I can barely stand—
And I can’t sleep.
A carousel of memories
Obstructs my vision
Leaving me feeling
I want to apologize
But who is talking?
Or the Guilt?
But even when I shoo the Guilt away
It comes back, knocking on my door
And if I don’t answer
The Guilt forces its way in
Coming back full force.
But as it turns out—
Guilt is a trickster—
As cunning as Coyote
And as cruel as Loki.
He spins the carousel bringing forth the bilge.
But the truth is—
Like all tricksters—
Guilt is a liar.
The horrific memories
That swirl
And twirl
Across your mind’s eye
Are nowhere near as bad
As Guilt likes to make them.
The other party involved
In whatever Guilt brings forth
May feel very little
Or absolutely
About what Guilt drags you
Through shit over.
But Guilt is hard to get rid of
And a carousel isn’t an easy thing to move.
But the fact is—
Most things aren’t easy to get rid of
And using all that effort—
The pushing
The tugging
Only makes you stronger
And once you fight off the Guilt
You’ll find yourself better than you were before.
Only then can you truly tell
If you are the one talking
Or if it’s guilt—
And if you find you are the one—
Then the apology you make
Will be more heartfelt
And more genuine
And that will make it all the better
And only then
Can you truly kick Guilt out the door
And remove the foundation of the carousel
And move on with life.

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