The Rope

The Rope
12/9/2015

Life is a rope, long and harsh
      That we hang on,
             cling to,
                     dangling
                          as we fall,
                                spinning
                                      and twirling
                         as we tumble down
                    the  cliff side
               bouncing
         and rebounding
   as we fall toward the bottom.
Sometimes
the rope gets stuck
and you dangle
   before the rope
        untangles
              and you free fall
                        once more.
                              Sometimes
                              You
                              Fall
                             Straight
                             To
                             The
                             Bottom
                         But
                     Chances are
                 It takes some time
             and you end up
          swirling
                 and twirling
                          and you rebound
                                  before you
                                           finally
                                                reach
                                                   the rock
                                             hard
                                        bottom.
                                    But--
                           look at it this way.
                    No matter how you
              reach
      the bottom
You still have the rope.

We Discontent Ourselves

We Discontent Ourselves
10/12/2015

We sow the seeds of our discontent
Because life is what we make it.
When you suffer, when you get hurt
When you fall into that bottomless pit
It can be hard to claw your way back up
And continue on after that perilous fall,
Being blinded by the blackest night
Is a feeling that happens to all
That may have the unfortunate fate
To be pulled into such terrible trauma.
You may feel broken and warped
Like your insides are being gnawed on by piranhas.
Though that feeling is hard to get past
And it may feel like you'll never be well,
If you stew in the hate, and wallow in pain
And you never breach that veil
Of horrible agony, you will never be happy.
You'll find yourself suffering through hell
But really, the truth of the matter you need to admit,
The truth that after much pain I choose to tell
Is that you put yourself there, because life is what you make it
And the sooner you realize that you need to get past
The built up feelings that bring you down
The less time the hurt will last.
I am in no way saying it will be easy
Or that it won't take a great deal of time,
But the longer you wallow, the longer it takes
And that is the cruelest of crimes
That you can commit against yourself, and your life.
You must work past the pain to once again be joyous,
Letting yourself move on with your journey
And no longer feeling helpless,
Moving past the pain will bring you light
Making it possible to reconnect
With the world around you and those you love
And though there really is no correct
Way to get past it all, if you only wallow in pain
And misery, what is there left of a life
For you to live, what is the point
When you only succumb to the strife?
Now this may sound like a good reason
To die and let yourself wither away,
But that's not the case, and it can't erase
The hearts that you may have swayed.
There are people you hurt in your own pain
And even if there aren't any people left
You are pushing away the life you could have
And making yourself depressed.
You are perpetuating the pain they gave you
And making yourself stay estranged
From the world around you with so much that's new
And I'm begging you to try and change,
To change in a way that's better
So that the souls of black don't win.
It will be hard but it can get better
So don't wallow in pity, and hurt those around
You who had nothing to do with it
Don't wrestle their hopes to the ground.
Then you are as bad as those who hurt you
And you perpetuate the cycle
Of abuse and hate, the pain, the ache,
The truth of this is vital.
So for yourself and those around you
Move past the horrible pain
Because you can change, and for the better
And the truth cannot be contained.

Delicate China Doll

Delicate China Doll
10/10/2015

I am a - delicate- china doll
And you have no idea how - disturbing -
It is to sit on a - cushioned - shelf
And watch - silently the culminating
Effort - of those working - hard
On projects around me,
While - incapable - I perch
Up on high - to see -
And record - in my thoughts - what
Others do - and achieve.
But I am - not - free to try
My own ideas of which I conceive
Of - little projects they - may - seem 
But like an ephemeral cloth - I am fragile,
And though I try my best to hold onto strength,
Using this porcelain body - is futile.
So instead I watch - patiently,
Waiting for the day - when maybe
My body will no longer - of china - be made
And I can finally be - free -
To do as I wish-
And move - as - I - like
And fight - my own - fight
And lose - this perpetual - anguish.

Mutual Nerdiness

Mutual Nerdiness

10/2/2015

Let's have fun in our mutual nerdiness

There are so many things that we can do,

Things that other people scoff at

But that decision, one day they will rue

Because we can be strong, mighty warriors

With swords of steel and heavy armor

Swinging away at orcs and goblins

Or you could always be the stealthy archer

Standing in the back waiting for your turn

To fight against whatever evil creature

Comes to stand (quite stupidly) in our way,

But what can I say, I'm a dreamer.

To live in a fantasy world is the way I am

But there are other games that we can play,

So many card games and board games,

There's just to much to do in one day.

There are movies and shows that we can watch

So much more amusing than watching sports,

Doctor Who, Battlestar, X-files, Ancient Aliens,

And other science fiction of various sorts.

But we can't forget anime of different kinds

Fun things like Ouran or Darker Than Black,

Things other people scoff at and think are weird,

Things other people make fun of and attack.

So let's just say, that out of the things we can do

It's probably a good thing I can't learn real spells

Because they'd run out of luck (or maybe health)

And I'd probably put them through hell.

But the best thing in the world that we can do

Is to hang out in our mutual nerdiness

To sip on our tea (or alcohol)

And on that the vote is unanimous.

Let Yourself Get Lost

Let Yourself Get Lost

8/21/2015

Sometimes it’s best to wander

And let yourself get lost

Because it’s worth the cost

Of whatever you may squander.

It’s worth the time you spend

Seeing and trying something new—

Those times are precious and few

And for a short time you can pretend—

Pretend the world has disappeared

And pretend that you are free—

And pretend that all the debris

From life is no longer here.

Maybe you should take back roads,

The ones made all of dirt—

Because sometimes you have to skirt

The edge of a world about to explode.

Stepping away from reality

Is good for the heart and soul

So every now and then take a stroll

Away from the triviality.

And sometimes you have to let your mind

Travel on its own path—

And let out all its wrath—

So you can let the pain unwind.

Even though it may be hard

You must let yourself go—

Until everything that you know—

Is stricken into shards—

Only in this painful way

Can you truly find yourself lost

And you can you let your heart defrost

Until one day you will be okay.

It’s best to take some time for yourself

And let yourself reset—

Let go of all regret—

And get lost for your own health. 

A Carousel of Guilt

A Carousel of Guilt

6/17/2015

Guilt—

A thankless feeling

With rarely a true meaning.

Something often felt

When there is no need of it.

So many things to feel bad about-

Opening the doorway to Guilt where it can

Reach into my chest and grip my heart until

The blood stops pumping—

And I can barely stand—

And I can’t sleep.

A carousel of memories

Obstructs my vision

Leaving me feeling

Void—

I want to apologize

But who is talking?

Me?

Or the Guilt?

But even when I shoo the Guilt away

It comes back, knocking on my door

And if I don’t answer

The Guilt forces its way in

Coming back full force.

But as it turns out—

Guilt is a trickster—

As cunning as Coyote

And as cruel as Loki.

He spins the carousel bringing forth the bilge.

But the truth is—

Like all tricksters—

Guilt is a liar.

The horrific memories

That swirl

And twirl

Across your mind’s eye

Are nowhere near as bad

As Guilt likes to make them.

The other party involved

In whatever Guilt brings forth

May feel very little

Or absolutely

Nothing

About what Guilt drags you

Through shit over.

But Guilt is hard to get rid of

And a carousel isn’t an easy thing to move.

But the fact is—

Most things aren’t easy to get rid of

And using all that effort—

The pushing

The tugging

Only makes you stronger

And once you fight off the Guilt

You’ll find yourself better than you were before.

Only then can you truly tell

If you are the one talking

Or if it’s guilt—

And if you find you are the one—

Then the apology you make

Will be more heartfelt

And more genuine

And that will make it all the better

And only then

Can you truly kick Guilt out the door

And remove the foundation of the carousel

And move on with life.

When They Walk Out the Door

When They Walk Out the Door

5/26/2015

The worst feeling one can possibly have

Is to see the one you love most, walk out the door

And you don’t know when they might be back.

To let go of that hand is the worst thing of all

Whether they come back to you or not

Really isn’t your call.

So you wait and you wait until you see them again

And you can’t help but smile when you see their face

But then you must go on and pretend

Like everything is going to be alright,

You have to take a deep breath

And put up a righteous and glorious fight

To not succumb to the pain and show the tears

And to keep a tight hold on your secret

And put a leash on all of your fears

So the one you love most will not worry

And stop to make the goodbye longer

So instead you push and try to make them hurry

Out the door when all you want is to be together

But you have no choice or it will be harder

So instead you try to be wise and clever

And get them to leave faster and be on their way

So you can cry and hurt by yourself

And hope to see them again another day.

But the one you love notices

They always do,

They can see the hurt on your face

And the sadness too,

So they don’t walk out that door

They don’t walk away

Instead they stay and dry your tears

And at least for a little longer they choose to stay.

They make everything better

And though it may feel like you will never

See their face again

You don’t have to hold tight and pretend

Because they will ease away the pain

And help you keep yourself sane

Before they step out that door

And promise to see you because your face they adore.

They will kiss your lips

And promise it’s not the apocalypse

They will always come back

And kept your heart intact

For they love you most of all

And they will help you keep your head tall.